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the fairground - bill nelson

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- "it was horrible. there was nothing i could do but watch. the cougar drank nearly all the oj and put the carton back in the fridge with just a few drops left. i knew the next day our kids would be super cranky in the morning without oj to start their day."
- "this hippo totally photo bombed our family pictures and ruined every single shot."
- "so this massive shark surfaced right next to our catamaran and totally got my fiance and me soaking wet with a slap of its fin. and we'd just finished drying off."
- "what a total dick of a bear. i'd just finished cleaning up our campsite. we come back from a final hike to find stuff scattered all over the place and all our food gone. total dick bear."
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next on workplace performance art: pete hangs laundry out to dry in his cubicle. thatch asks his co-workers if he can borrow their toothbrush.
next on workplace performance art: william slides a piece of paper under the bathroom door that reads "you're taking too long."
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next on nazi self esteem: courtney gruppenfuehrer offers these self-help tips: when in low spirits, annex the sudetenland. and blitzkrieg feeling of insecurity with a spirited round of goose-stepping and austrian milking songs.
next on the lotus eaters: johnny's feeling lethargic again.
next on the nazi feng shui expert: buddha sanchez helps a transgendered nazi clown accessorize his summer home.
next on nazi life coach: "do as i say, not as i do."
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next on t-minus martin todd presents: the man who forgot to wipe: martin's long-suffering chinese maid mai mai is heard to exclaim "why you so smelly, mistah todd?"
next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: wavery trolls the forbidden byways of the internet, while wearing his favorite smoking jacket. and courtney nightshade encounters an unintended exchange of bodily fluids on the corner sunset and vine.
next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: waverly takes the online dating world by storm, and discovers firsthand the sweet pain that is file sharing.
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next on comedians in cars raping children: jerry seinfeld and chase bivoauc set fire to the local salvation army.
next on your selfie, our brand: join cash overlay and bash nesbit for a no-holds-barred post-modern marketing seminar that'll knock your digital socks off! followed by scritch finderstein reading from his new personal growth book i didn't know what i didn't know until i didn't know it
next on bigots in tight spaces: joost manderlay travels in a shipping container with nazi skinheads, then paddles to borneo in a life raft with jihadi fundamentalists.
next on ied: preston and chad spend a wild weekend in tijuana crafting mobile dirty bombs
next on comedians in cars building improvised explosive devices: paula poundstone and chelsea warmaker perform human sacrifice rituals while stuck in traffic.
next on comedians without ethical borders: larry david sexts america's top orphange directors.
next on comedians in cars performing human sacrifice: louis ck and drexel ratch prank call the vatican.
next on dead seven year olds say the darnedest things: the chang suck muvvas consolidate their hold on 58th and vine.
next on the crispy quantex: frank goes ballistic in a mitten factory.
next on feedtube follies: watch smithson through the i ching for the umpteenth time under the sickly green glow of the security feed
next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: sayeth waverly, "twitter, thou art my digital bitch!" and spazz accidentally seduces an entire aol chatroom.
next on hollywood whoremonger: the hot new breed of central american sex slave that's taking the valley by storm.
next on the new differently-abled suspense show paraplegic activity: abagail wheels hurriedly away from indeterminate paranormal danger.
next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: waverly orders seven crates of pure grade absinthe on amazon.
next on doctor-bear: a medically trained grizzly bear and his internal struggle not to devour his patients. not every episode ends well. harvey keitel plays keith, doctor-bear's therapist. who conducts all their sessions aloft inside a hot-air balloon.
next on maximum security hipster penitentiary: portland opens the country's first hipster correctional facility. see artisanal shivs hidden inside hipster beards. instead of making traffic signs they all work in an in-house record store, pressing limited runs of colored vinyl from bands you've never heard of. tagline: "bearded is the new black"
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next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy alienates his co-workers through forced inclusivity.
next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy is paralyzed by the thought of microinequities
next on jihadi pilates instructor: ahmed blows up the meditative stretching class by mistake
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next on jihadi ne'er-do-well: bentley waxpout skips the embassy bombing to watch the polo game. "his was a gilded suicide vest"

mad heiress

dramatus personae