the fairground - bill nelson
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  • next on comedians in cars getting gender conversion therapy, carrot top and paul rudd wrestle with post-gendered "guy walks into a bar" joke ideas

  • next on celebrity porn stash: "the sophistication of r kelly's hentai collection shall surprise you"

  • next on virtue signalling artisanal hipster poker: "i see your locally sourced gourmet peanut butter speakeasy and raise you one wokeaf non-heteronormative lemonade stand"

  • next on ask a vindictive yoga instructor: mean-spirited advice from the spiritually centered, brittany goes all tough love on echo and cooper's couples therapy session

  • next on an salty old whore claps back: no-nonsense advice for the snowflake era, sally tells a post-everything vegan brand influencer what's what

  • next on things that look like trash cans but aren't, mctavish tosses his dried spunk tissues into the needle sterilizing bin by mistake 

  • next on indie rock band cliche poker: i see your girlfriend plays keyboards and raise you one drum machine.

  • next on math rock poker: i see your 12/7 time signature and raise you one 11 minute microtonal fretless guitar solo

  • next on obscure hipster reference poker: i see your michel foucault and raise you one gertrude stein

  • next on divisive poker: i see your deep state and raise you one huffpost op ed

  • next on performance art poker: i see your hanging from fishhooks and raise you one gunshot to the arm

  • next on guest lecturer from hell: lena dunham visits and decides to stay an extra week

  • next on hazy off-world pleasure tester: buttermilk sanchez learns sexbot recalibration the hard way

  • next on off-world shell corp: frank unpacks a box labelled flarn

  • next on balls up in frisco: incident at a chinese laundry

  • next on climate change activists in cars feeling unspeakable self loathing and guilt, greta nearly has an aneurysm when she learns the car is not electric

  • next on the fiendish quartile: shark jackson invites two homicidal models to spend a weekend at his off-grid solar shack. hilarity ensues. “hey, that’s my sexbot you’re jacking into!”

  • next on vh1's before they were stars...behind bars, wesley snipes offers pro bono tax filing advice

  • next on professionals doing unprofessional things: rolfe interrupts the conga line.

  • next on au contraire: bixby stretches the sommelier's patience beyond the breaking point.

  • next on samurai valet, enid maintains a warrior's code of honor when parking the ferrari of a total scriptwriting douche.

  • next on crackjackers vs. mind japers: jax spooges into barney's feed tube.

  • next on surrealist office sluts: octavia peels a tangerine.

  • next on chums, bently reads aloud from the chicago phone book while cha-cha encases him in concrete

  • next on flashpoint in a turksih bathouse: jules forgets what we're all here for.

  • next on american bandstand:  the debut single by eldritch jones and the hot wanks: "semaphore your love (baby)"

  • next on dick tipping with monty: bertrand visits an after-hours sexbot bar in manhattan. 

  • next on pierce gantry presents: octavia sewage thighs and the dyspeptic gentry, appearing nightly at the hHallitosis sunset supper club.

  • next on the jewish nazi apologist: sprockets winklestein faces an uphill battle.

  • next on uncertain men defecating in tight spaces: ernst weighs the pros and cons of dropping a deuce inside an iron maiden.

  • next on workplace performance art: brad stands outside the workplace bathrooms and shakes hands with coworkers as they emerge.

  • next on workplace performance art: kate asks her manager for a ride to the abortion clinic.

  • next on workplace performance art: pete hangs laundry out to dry in his cubicle. thatch asks his co-workers if he can borrow their toothbrush.

  • next on workplace performance art: william slides a piece of paper under the bathroom door that reads "you're taking too long."

  • next on pickles, the transsexual children's' birthday clown: pickles takes a hands on, velcro-heavy approach to gender reassignments.

  • next on chauncy viceroy: bumbling witsec officer: chauncy accidentally harpoons a family of four to the back of the van.

  • next on the hit hbo series cannibal-in-chief: the president of the united states is a cannibal! join his harried staff as they scramble to keep it a secret. political intrigue, hijinks, and steaming intestines are coming at'cha this season.

  • next on suborbital urinal station mogul: sebastian’s new franchise plan runs afoul of federation hygiene codes.

  • next on transgendered family feud with corky wonderpiss: saint kardashian faces off against nova jolie for the title of "post-organic trans golden child"

  • next on dickless in damascus: reed and belleweather chase down a fractally suspect lead.

  • next on data fondling with luke: artemis gets arrested trying to stow away on a shuttle bound for pleasure colony l-47.

  • next on nigerian butt blast: tan-tan is awoken at dawn by the deafening roar from his father’s hindquarters.

  • next on he-she: she: "what could the evaluation criteria possibly be in bikini contests?" he: "sat scores?"

  • next on satan's spoolfeed: chauncy jacks in, goes to hell.

  • next on hbo's edgy breakout series cocksucker: desmond cartier makes tv edgy again, in a corporate-sanctioned kind of way. followed by desireee spongejoy in aloft without balloons.

  • next on secruity drone comedy hour: host torquay carruthers welcomes the winner of last year's multi-national corporate security drone improv slam.

  • next on pimp my pimp: garth makes over a harlem pimp named johnny, and soon has him looking resplendent in purple velour

  • next on tibetan strip mall: bodivatsata visits the arcade.

  • next on travels with mums: mums boards the transgender siberian railroad and gets more than he bargained for.

  • next on surrealist science hour with morty: nuns delay ice age, scientists find.

  • next on sainthood on fleek: saint christopher blows up your instagram feed with delicious style hacking tips.

  • next on love affair with a rembrandt suitcase: nevins throatlove recoils at the level of ego on display.

  • next on shitkickers and knobtwisters: bladder mcfuskins gets one step closer to catching the aquarium masturbator.

  • next on my so-called post-organic life: bristol squib gets caught in the aqueduct. again.

  • next on off-world coachella follies: nova perfects the art of the telepathic hashtag.

  • next on isis punk rock music festival: barky sweatbox and bon qui qui book an upcoming suicide bomber dance troupe for the explosive finale.

  • next on flirtin' with security drones: chauncey justice asks "what's love without a little danger?"

  • next on hashtag-counterhashtag: a panel of critics debates the post-hashtag thinkpiece landscape. #tweetvictim

  • next on walkabout with monty: monty pisses in the wind and parkours all over your mamma.

  • next on the daily spool blast: we check out homelessness. why do homeless men have such great hair? natural oils? gravel? adversity?

  • next on shit dickin’ with bargels fegbort: bargels visits a tribe of off-world tax accountants to see how they get their ultra-violence on.

  • next on fullsteam with carruthers forquay: carruthers barters with a cadre of swedish gender thieves. will he emerge as a man or a woman? tune in and find out!

  • next week on rich people doing yoga: we visit chapel hill, where instructor chelsea is deep into her asana and looking fabu with her swarovski shiva diamond bracelet. you go, girl!

  • next on hot air balloon junky detox: murphy goes all parenthetical at 10,000 feet.

  • next on night of the living spoolheads: jax prepares eel fondue.

  • next on rage quitters: see this teen set fire to his cube after single-handedly losing his clan’s cod xxii match.

  • next on artemis spoolboy: artemis visits bastard, a bespoke tweedery for corporate sociopaths.

  • next on destiny firebiscuits: destiny tries to reason with an antipode with an ax.

  • next on the off-world pleasure circuit: monty plays his cards right and finds solace in the arms of  a ventriloquest's sexbot.

  • next on vandals of the cosmos: deke castelano detonates the aegis device, with unforeseen metaphysical consequences.

  • next on vandals of the cosmos: schreipussy introduces interstellar diner patrons to his new weapon, the mimewerfer.

  • next on gay space patrol: tito jimeniz sings "yo soy una male y femalia astronautico."

  • next week on time-space bangerz: cha cha goes in through the out door, metaphysically speaking.

  • next on kidney lenders: men with floppy sandals sing an aria from two pence jenkins’ opera el flatulence diabolica.

  • next week on crazy-ass angels: nate gets his tendrils stuck in the feed tube.

  • next on queer theory dentist: colin lectures store 3 on the importance of a professional headshot.

  • next on corpse bangers: fauvist nightshade pranks system recog, and brings the data grid to its knees.

  • next on coletrane sex wax: chester embraces a new leisure paradigm.

  • next on american idle: bonzo jack sings waltz for a drowing man.

  • next on racist advice column: confessions from a chink-eyed motherfucker.

  • next on mansplaining with baxter yum yum: baxter asks, "have you hugged a contrarian today?"

  • next on all things bono: bono scolds nelson mandela for leaving the porch light on overnight again. and tensions rise when the edge adopts a chimp named bono. later, bono sends sinead o'conner a tearful email. don't miss it.

  • next on dicky andreasen, queer-theory geologist: is your granite countertop inviting you to question your biological assignment?

  • next on dicky andreasen, swedish post-organic boy scout: dicky visits burning man and peels apart the gender identities of its attendees like so many ripe onions.

  • next week on survivor, courtney love edition: eight ordinary people trapped on an island with courtney love. watch as she attempts to form bands with each of them. who will survive? 

  • next on the tourquay edition: enid sets the bassist alite.

  • next on wingwalkers: a divorced kindergarten teacher from columbus, oh fights to defend her wingwalking title of 2 minutes at 5,000 feet.

  • next on artemis spoolboy, dalliance in a rocket tube: auger boatswain  reads from jaja liebe deine madchen auf der raketenstartrampe.

  • next on you're soaking in it: vance's dalliance with the precog has unforeseen consequences for the entire team.

  • next on dairy queen freak scene: we plumb the depths of depravity with kitty catatonic and bub.

  • next on spazz portnoy’s travels with a whimisical fornicator: spazz spoons under the rocket gantry in cape canaveral with an obese short-order cook from ohio. 

  • next on spoon meinders: bentley quackenthrush sets sail to the land of nod.

  • next on gender broker: bid on the next gender change for your fave spool celebs!

  • next on psychic ventriloquist: manderlay nightshade is at an uncharacteristic loss for words.

  • next on terror wears espadrilles: reichart von bouncykins interrogates the bastard squad, where even the women have moustaches.

  • next on bomb the orphange: tig hooks up with an alcholic nato pilot and a scorched-earth policy ensues.

  • next on rascal groupie reacharound: tig mcswelter and the occlusion dots stage an in-studio dance riot.

  • next on rim lickers: jax and the boys meet their arch nemesis, dookie doppleganger.

  • next on weapons of the surrealists: parthax gets tagged by the methuselah gun and ages decades in seconds. bosley turns the cubist ray on himself and becomes wholly unrecognizable.

  • next on the travel channel's defecating in tight spaces: prehensile jones visits a tribe of midgets in borneo. will he be able to take a dump in their ceremonial 2'x2' chamber made entirely out of bee husks?

  • next on priestly quantex and the transgendered ghost: priestly and beat-boy visit dynacorp, where liquid moments are captured in cold steel.

  • next on urban walkabout: join the shrapnel sisters as they blow shit up in densley populated urban areas, all in the name or corporate-sponsored danger art.

  • next on 60 minutes: revenge porn: does it happen to ugly people? we investigate. "my naked body was all over the internet," 300-pound albino man with severe facial eczema alleges.

  • next on the crispy quantex: torquay yamagochi and lark feldspur are the theme dudes in riot gear. 

  • next on shit shackin' with monty: artemis feldspur shares his recipe for cranial occlusion wafers.

  • next on the exhibitionist's apprentice: baxter yumyum's lucrative endorsement deal with pemberly crotch oils ("bliss in a tube") is jeopradized by allegations of celibacy and that he faked his famous dalliance with sexbot a-17a.

  • next on fistfulla cred sticks: baller macintosh and tig mcswelter test the patience of all those around them.

  • next on shark tank - the politcal talk show that puts its panelists in harm's way: chelsea warmaker challenges baller nelson to a rhetorical duel above a twelve-foot great white. who'll take that fatal plunge?

  • next on off-world celebrity whoremonger: cooze mccandless visits the pleasure nodes of symbiote colony beta 12.

  • next on douchebag walkabout: monty arias sets out on a douchey journey of self-discovery across the australian outback. part 3 of the 12-part series the douchbag's guide to spiritual enlightenment. "find yourself. and still be a dick."

  • next on shit talkers: the live news debate show broadcast from public bathroom stalls: miley cyrus iii and charles manson 2.0 debate the rights of transapio service droids.

  • next on monterray bris: fatty arbuckle tries and fails yet again to pull off orbital performance art.

  • next on high-brow cannibals: christobal shares a delicious recipe for tender slices of downtown art critic served in a savory broth of onions, garlic, and performance artist.

  • next on a single girl's guide to symbiotic dampening: felicity skatchwell goes about her day. cuts a man's hair. paints a picture in bodies and scents across the smooth plaster of a financial high-rise. makes love to an elm tree. dresses like a european war criminal. transforms herself into smoke when the lights go blue and slow.  curls under the doorways of bank vaults and into the eyes of all those inside. wraith and whisp, erasing thoughts of what came before. 

  • next on mime vomit hour: fitz turwelliver mimes the effects of insomnia to a crowd of giggling children.

  • next on the gender-nuetral restroom attendant: bax wagongate tries to get brad pitt a speaking part in an indie film.

  • next on the spool jacker who came to dinner: gonad oswego tries to charm elizabeth taylor 3.0's father into letting him stay the night.

  • next on roughhousing with monty: monty welcomes robert downey jr., and puts him in a headlock.

  • next on tits up with leggy mountbatten: reg feels the otherworldly presence of the albino prawn whisperer.

  • next on lives and loves of the naolithian crystal miners: faux cruddite and evageline gilderlilly come to grips with the duende of it all.

  • next on tits up with leggy mountbatten: reg steals his dad's skimmer and ends up assfirst in the tree tops. and chad michelobe has his sites set on a number of rainbowy things. 

  • next on sewage pipe frauleins: bitsy and consuelo give the judge a taste of his own medicine.

  • next on copulating with artemis: the gang visits a tribe in borneo who can only mate while wearing plaid.

  • next on the mothball club: pete gets hammered and passes out again in the alley behind shorty's crib.

  • next on the gom stick diviner: wolfgang von hinderpoof challenges belvedere merriweather to a dance-off.

  • next on lazy granpa: sullivan "drummachine" collins works feverishly into the night to avoid a sophmore slump. podswelter turpins is by far the bravest honky on his block, and ginger "cred chip" o'shea fells the traffic cop with a judo kick to the yarbles. later, sopwith grokboxx groans as the vidfeed of his benefactor unscrambles before his eyes.

  • next on cocks n' cunts: dierdre knits a woolie in the sunflower field.

  • next on *: cargo pants beckwith arrives on the scene with a rad prefab solution in hand. shy town barwell gets into the mix and shit gets crazy! alice pinot nuevo watches from afar, bides her time. but hector perscommunit alonzo shuts down bitch collins with the quick snap of two fingers. and crapwell spiderbark is a crackerjack on fire with possibilities!

  • next on brodudes and enlightenment: bodi bodi raga von handclap is led away from the ashram in handcuffs. again. and shane "vishnu" peters is found vomiting at the foot of the buddha light sculpture for the fifth time this month.

  • next on toe jamming with ernst: dirk considers his options.

  • next on money lovin' with ally bank: we've got our mind on your money, and your money on our mind.

  • next on surrealist fistfight: rolf hugs a lightpole. 

  • next on the lotus eaters: johnny's feeling lethargic again.

  • next on spool feed impressarios: rap impressario nelly wigwag'n opens up about his line of sexbot-inspired men's cologne, playah hatah, as well as his hostile corporate takeover of symbiote colony zed taurus.

  • next on toys+ after dark: butters mctavish and inez shakkan star in sex biscuit. "coupling in the heat of 1,000 suns. we see a shirtless man on a rocket gantry, juggling flaming eels. beside him, a woman encased in amniotic fluid does yoga on horseback. above them, perched on a radar cable, two eagles gaze down impassively." you won't know what hit you!

  • next on decrepitudinous slonkers: rupert celebrates the death of all known loved ones.

  • next on the black surrealist: mephisto jones contructs a ghetto exquisite corpse.

  • next on yankee bastard: "raped by a service droid". one man's shocking confession.

  • next on balls up in 'frisco: lark sparks an incident at a chinese laundry.

  • next on problem solvers: chico hits paydirt, sets his house on fire.

  • next on up to our scrotums in accidents: fonderswelter decouples from the hub.

  • next on viking shareholders: hovengaard gets the axe. literally.

  • next on viking corporate raider: throthgar downsizes the account department. with a broadsword.

  • next on viking shareholders: rothgar sharpens his axe for a hostile takeover.

  • next on viking beancounters: all rejoice! gnashing of teeth and lamentations of women are up 17% this quarter. smisgar has some great news from our rape & pillage expedition conference.

  • next on not your daddy's investment banker: brad learns to fellate money in ways he never dreamt possible. he's got his mind on your money, and your money on his mind.

  • next on suborbital station robot bathroom attendant: xjxj-9-14-9 gets jiggy wif' it.

  • next on the binaural wastrel: dirk considers his options.

  • next on diary of a moldovian twitter both during the first singularity: priestly nightside sits waiting alone, for the text that never came

  • next on off-world shell corp: frank unpacks a trunk labelled "flarn."

  • next on ghost in the washing machine: tinker takes it all a step too far.

  • next on hot mambo, panama city, 1963: trumbo calls in a bet.

  • next on close calls in history: andy warhol and che guevara.

  • next on celebrity dictator: it's 2038 and cash-strapped third-world countries invite hollywood celebs to play guest dictator for large sums of money. first up: nic cage crushes mozambiuqe under his diamond-encrusted boot heel!

  • next on celebrity dictator: saint kardashian rules zambia and opens a big game park, where transgender vegan tigers are bred. zambians rejoice at free ipads and vitamin water suplments.

  • next on celebrity dictator: former secretary of state angelina jolie rules ghana with a firm yet benevolent hand.

  • next on celebrity dictator: saint kardashian guest rules zimbabwe and depletes the nation's annual infrastructure budget on installing transgender bathrooms and jamba juice stands every 500 meters.next on the clean 

  • next on the clean-shaven ruffians of morroco: grimly and bill go skeet shooting drunk

  • next on charlie manson: marriage counselor: charlie helps bill see sherry's side of the story

  • next on the daily intestine blast: chase bivouac offers tips on the 90-day cannibal cleanse

  • next on close calls in history: gandhi and zsa zsa gabor.

  • next on close calls in history: bob dylan and charlie chaplin

  • next on nazi boy bands: new arayan direction performs "sexy gruppenfuhrer!"

  • next on nazi self esteem: courtney gruppenfuehrer offers these self-help tips: when in low spirits, annex the sudetenland. and blitzkrieg feeling of insecurity with a spirited round of goose-stepping and austrian milking songs.

  • next on the lotus eaters: johnny's feeling lethargic again.

  • next on the nazi feng shui expert: buddha sanchez helps a transgendered nazi clown accessorize his summer home.

  • next on nazi life coach: "do as i say, not as i do."

  • next on accountants with issues: garth refuses to decouple from the feed tube

  • next on the honest song titles show: we asked some of today's most eminent senior rock stars to pen tunes that accurately describe their lives as aging rockers. first up is paul mccartney, serenading us with his tender ballad, draggin' this leaky anus all over town. 

  • next on t-minus martin todd presents: the man who forgot to wipe: martin's long-suffering chinese maid mai mai is heard to exclaim "why you so smelly, mistah todd?" 

  • next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: wavery trolls the forbidden byways of the internet, while wearing his favorite smoking jacket. and courtney nightshade encounters an unintended exchange of bodily fluids on the corner sunset and vine.

  • next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: waverly takes the online dating world by storm, and discovers firsthand the sweet pain that is file sharing.

  • next on gamboling with prims: prims fortitude makes a grim discovery

  • next on malfeasant game show host: dudley encounters a conspiratorial silence

  • next on comedians in cars raping children: jerry seinfeld and chase bivoauc set fire to the local salvation army. 

  • next on your selfie, our brand: join cash overlay and bash nesbit for a no-holds-barred post-modern marketing seminar that'll knock your digital socks off! followed by scritch finderstein reading from his new personal growth book i didn't know what i didn't know until i didn't know it

  • next on bigots in tight spaces: joost manderlay travels in a shipping container with nazi skinheads, then paddles to borneo in a life raft with jihadi fundamentalists.

  • next on ied: preston and chad spend a wild weekend in tijuana crafting mobile dirty bombs

  • next on comedians in cars building improvised explosive devices: paula poundstone and chelsea warmaker perform human sacrifice rituals while stuck in traffic.

  • next on comedians without ethical borders: larry david sexts america's top orphange directors.

  • next on comedians in cars performing human sacrifice: louis ck and drexel ratch prank call the vatican.

  • next on dead seven year olds say the darnedest things: the chang suck muvvas consolidate their hold on 58th and vine.

  • next on the crispy quantex: frank goes ballistic in a mitten factory.

  • next on feedtube follies: watch smithson through the i ching for the umpteenth time under the sickly green glow of the security feed

  • next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: sayeth waverly, "twitter, thou art my digital bitch!" and spazz accidentally seduces an entire aol chatroom.

  • next on hollywood whoremonger: the hot new breed of central american sex slave that's taking the valley by storm.

  • next on the new differently-abled suspense show paraplegic activity: abagail wheels hurriedly away from indeterminate paranormal danger. 

  • next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: waverly orders seven crates of pure grade absinthe on amazon.

  • next on doctor-bear: a medically trained grizzly bear and his internal struggle not to devour his patients. not every episode ends well. harvey keitel plays keith, doctor-bear's therapist. who conducts all their sessions aloft inside a hot-air balloon.

  • next on maximum security hipster penitentiary: portland opens the country's first hipster correctional facility. see artisanal shivs hidden inside hipster beards. instead of making traffic signs they all work in an in-house record store, pressing limited runs of colored vinyl from bands you've never heard of. tagline: "bearded is the new black"

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy awakes to find that today is reparation day

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy asks "is it okay if i say this?"

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy worries silently to himself "am i guilty of doing that?"

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy realizes "i am paralyzed with anxiety around others"

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy sifts through the ruins of american carnage

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy is terrified by the upcoming office holiday party. should he wear a dashiki and celebrate kwanzaa? 

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy alienates his co-workers through forced inclusivity.

  • next on honky got woke: ernst purefoy is paralyzed by the thought of microinequities

  • next on jihadi pilates instructor: ahmed blows up the meditative stretching class by mistake

  • next on jihadi marriage counselor: abdullah has an unexpected awakening

  • next on jihadi ne'er-do-well: bentley waxpout skips the embassy bombing to watch the polo game. "his was a gilded suicide vest"

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